Friend
I’m probably a better friend to others than they are to me. I don’t think I mind it, but it does come up in my mind. I tend to remember most things and details I’ve been told, I compliment at any chance I get, I do as much for them as I can.
The only reason I realized it, is because I’ve been told by so many that I always go above and beyond. I love my friends and I’d do anything for them, but it does sometimes feel as if I am more on the sharing side than receiving. I do it because I love them, but it is nice to get something back once in a while?
I say this now, but whenever I do get something back I feel guilty. I feel like I have to give back to them more. One of the things is being on time. I hate being late, I always try to be extra early and always wait on the person, but whenever I am late I feel such an immense guilt that I know the others don’t feel. And when I am late I try to be even extra early the next time to make sure it doesn’t happen twice in a row.
I know it sounds weird saying I’m probably a better friend to them than they are to me, but I’m not trying to make myself seem like a saint. I don’t have certain expectations I expect of my friends because I don’t expect anything. I just love talking to them and having fun. But to me, it feels like I most often notice when they feel or act off and check up on how they’re doing, while in reality that never really happens to me.
I know friendship isn’t always 50-50, but to me it always feels as if it’s me giving 80 and them 20.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful to the friends that I have, I love them dearly and I’ll always keep doing what I do. It’s just that when I get into my mind too much, I then focus on what I feel like is lacking towards me.