Ecstatic
I just tend to forget I’m at the place I wished to be at years ago. For years I’ve been hoping and praying to get where I am at the moment. Yet it doesn’t feel like I thought it would. None of the ideas and dreams I had that would happen while being here have happened. I am happy that I’m here but it’s not the happiness I thought I’d feel.
All my life I’ve had hopes and dreams. But this was by far the biggest one. I think I was happy that I’m here but because of what happened this past week I don’t feel that happiness anymore. I don’t know if I ever felt it while being here. All this time I’ve fought to get where I’m at, yet it feels like I haven’t accomplished it.
Younger me would be ecstatic about the fact that I’m here. Yet current me can’t find that feeling anywhere. Maybe I made the thought of being here way bigger than what it would actually feel like.
I don’t know if I have been feeling like this the whole time since I’ve been here, or only because of recent events. I’m confused about everything at the moment. I should feel super grateful, but I don’t know if I can find it in me.